August 20, 2003
I feel like I haven't been home in ages... Oh, wait, I haven't been home in ages. So much has happened in the past month. Let's see. To start with I can't believe the generosity so many people have shown me both in sending contributions, pre-orders and support in many forms. I am actually going to start recording my next album. I can't believe it.
This summer I was starting to feel down thinking I could not afford to make another record. I had promised my husband that this one would not come out of our tattered pockets and sure enough this record will be a gift from my friends/family/fans. Every time I think about it I get a little teary-eyed - I'm not kidding. It's just overwhelming. I promise I will do everything to make this record live up to the largess of spirit that has been shown to me. My gratitude is deep and sincere. Makes me feel like a lucky girl. Following a busy exciting week in Saratoga Springs gigs/friends/horse races!), I spent a wonderful week in France off the coast of Bordeaux for about 8 days. It was so relaxing - I really needed that. My husband and I were camping in a little tent under pine trees within walking distance to the Atlantic. It was simple but a welcome change from NYC. After that I headed straight out west to Colorado. After one of the longest days of traveling (nearly 27 hours including an overnight train, plane to NYC and then plane to Denver) I stayed with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin (and her adorable husband and two little girls). Saturday Amy Speace and I met up to do a show in Littleton that reminded me how much I missed doing shows with the Speacester. We had so much fun! Sunday we headed out to Lyons, Colorado for an experience I won't soon forget. When we got to the camp grounds for the Rocky Mountain song school my gut told me to turn the car around and head back for civilization. Everywhere were people who seemed to know one another chatting and playing guitars sitting outside of their tents. I thought I had made a big mistake. Couldn't possibly imagine I'd fit in and could handle another stretch of sleeping on the hard ground. Amy and I caught sight of a few familiar faces and pitched our tents nearby. After a very odd encounter with the locals in town where we had dinner (long story involving false identities and some weird guy running his hands through my hair) we headed back to our tents to sleep. Ha! The music continued through the night until 6am when the Djembe player next to us decided to call it a night. I was livid! Well, mostly we were exhausted. As the sun began to rise, on not more than 30 minutes of sleep Amy and I picked up our tents without even folding them and walked quite some distance to find a quiet place to stay near the creek that wound through the campgrounds. That next day we met some people who made the rest of the week an adventure. Several singer/songwriters I highly recommend - Justin Roth from Minnesota, Stephanie Corby from Boston (soon to be Austin), Jami Lunde from Colorado and Christopher White (I don't even know where he's from, but he really knows how to write a mean country tune) and lots of others I'll be adding to my website soon. There was an instant camaraderie between us all. We sat late at night around small candles and shared our songs and stories with one another. To Christopher, Rob, Jami, Justin, Stephanie, John and Mike I say thank you from my heart for all your beautiful music and spirit. Kept me warm on the chilly Rocky Mountain nights. I know Amy feels the same way. The weekend was a blast. The Rocky Mountain Folks Festival began on Friday. Both Amy and I were asked to sing backing vocals for a very gifted artist, Billy Jonas. I can't possibly describe what he does. Crazy percussion and songs with more lyrics than your average novel - but so clever and poignant. Really wonderful. My friends Greg Tannen, Edie Carey and Brian Joseph were among those competing for the emerging songwriter award. They were all great, but Brian took first place tying with another artist (Zoe something or other - I can't seem to remember her name). I was so proud of him! Proud of them all. It was tough competition. The next day my friends Ben Butler and Richard Hammond came to town as they were accompanying Dar Williams who performed later that evening. Since I sang w/Billy I was given a backstage pass for the weekend - and I used it! I spent the whole time backstage eating and drinking (fat tire beer!) for free watching from the comfy chair section : ) Then another friend, Richard Julian, appeared as he has been touring the country opening for Nora Jones. He did a great set and then took me and a few friends to the tour bus (Nora was already off in the green room) for a swig of fine tequila (feeling no pain at that point). The whole weekend ended with the Indigo Girls.
It was just magical. I heard so much amazing music and was deeply inspired - oh! And how could I forget. At the last minute I was selected to perform with a few other students on the main stage in the round! I got to sing 3 songs (Soul On Fire, Me & Lizzy and a new song "Cross My Heart"). It was such a thrill and an honor. I could fill pages with all the other things I want to tell you about. Mountain goats on the peaks at sunset, dips in the icy creek at noon, a full moon over the Rockies... So here I am back at home again trying to catch up on the piles of bills and emails and phone messages. Making a little headway, but leaving town again this weekend... The show must go on and it does... always does. July 15, 2003
July 1, the day I call my A&R night. It started off at 7pm, Joe's Pub where I heard my friend Rebecca Martin sing with her band. She was expecting industry turn-out and turn-up they did! I believe she had some label offers that very night. She is the first person I went out to hear after 9/11 when I really needed some healing. A very soothing artist and a deep soul (used to be part of Once Blue with Jesse Harris who co-writes with her still). 8:00pm off to the Bitter End to hear Jes Hudak, a 21 years old singer/songwriter from Saratoga Springs who now lives here in NYC. She calls me her New York Mommy : ) She performed with Bass player Richard Hammond. Post-show bumped into amazing singer/songwriters Josh Dodes (VH1 Bands-on-the run) and Eyan Mitchell loading in for their show - but I had to be somewhere else and was now running late! Heading way west on Houston Street to some obscure club, I don't even remember the name, to hear my friend Preacher Boy perform. He writes w/Eagle Eye Cherry, but his own material is more Tom Waits meets Muddy Waters. Very cool guy. Got there just as his last song ended... Bummer (but that's ok, since I got to hear a whole set this past Saturday). I grabbed a taxi to the Living Room where Simon Bruce was performing at 10pm. Simon is an 18 year old sensation from Australia. His Dad Jeff Bruce emailed me before SXSW last year when he saw my last name. I immediately fell in love with Simon's music and his whole family - they are the absolute sweetest people! Simon now has a publishing deal and is being represented by Ken Levitan (big-shot manager). The heads of nearly every label were in attendance at the Living Room as was legendary producer, Russ Teitleman (who I nearly worked with 3 years ago...). It was so fun, 'cause I knew a whole bunch of these people and got to hang out with the industry. Leigh Lust from Elektra recognized me from the Bitter End a few weeks before and we had a really nice talk. He gave me his card and told me it sounded like I was trying to take his job : ) Music makes me so happy. It's like vitamins. The body needs all kinds and varieties and the best way to get 'em is live!!! This month has been so incredibly active. So much for the sleepy summer... This past weekend I performed with Groovelily and Maggie and Terre Roche of the Roches. My friend Pete Weise played guitar with me (happened to be in town). We had so much fun! It was a beautiful night. If you've never caught Groovelily live, you should! I've never heard their records, but they are extraordinarily talented and put on a crazy good show. JB
June
27, 2003
The heat is on ... as the song once said... Following months of cold
rainy weather, Summer has arrived with a vengeance. I welcome it with
open arms. With the cool rain I had lost track of the seasons. At least
this sweltering heat confirms that this is June and I am in New York
City, not Seattle. I sweat therefore I am.
Recording is moving along slowly, but well. I am still writing new
songs and adding to the list of what I want to record. The songs I'm
choosing feel so different from those on the last two albums. I remember
feeling this way with Soul On Fire... That somehow the songs were all
so disparate and unrelated to one another ... perhaps I am repeating
myself in this journal?! In the end they all came together so well. I
hope the same will prove true for this next record. I have no clue what
the title will be ... and as I keep writing I am still not sure which
songs will appear on the album... However, I remain determined to get
most of the recording done by the end of this summer (I cringe as I write
that for the summer is shooting past me).
I recently went through my catalogue of recorded songs. I realized
that I do, in fact, have quite a lot of songs recorded. Most of them you
will never hear (trust me ... it's for the best) ... not because the
songs are not good ... but because the recording quality is really
lousy. I noticed that my voice or really vocal style has shifted radically
over the years too. I can't stand listening to the way I used to
sing. There is much over-singing. Often I am pushing my voice in a most
unpleasant way. Perhaps I was just trying too hard in general. It gives
me a slight sense of accomplishment to look back. I really like some
of the old tunes ... not sure I like them enough to re-record them,
however... Ya never know.
Reminds me how important it is to look back every once in a while to
see how far you've come. I tend to get stuck looking up the hill
feeling like I'll never make the distance. Just a subtle adjustment and
everything seems a little more manageable.
My Dad has some health problems and I must stop by the hospital tonight
to visit him. He had to have an angioplasty. Poor guy. He's
feeling pretty rotten. I hate being reminded that my parents are mortal.
Take care of yourselves.
xo J
June 10, 2003
My, it has been a long while since I sat down to write an entry into this online journal... Life has been a whirlwind of gigs, faces, places... March is the last time I wrote and we're in June... How did that happen? I am repeating myself, I know!
I don't even know where to begin. March was about The Side Project tour. From day one we were all really sick. Spent our nights doping up on Nyquil... hacking and feverish in the cold Great Lake district. It's all a blur. Not enough sleep. Many hours in the car. Nevertheless, we did have a fun time. Delirious late-night conversations. Walkie-talkies back and forth (between our cars). We certainly honed our sound while sounding and testing our friendships on the road. It was quite an adventure. Hopefully one we'll repeat this fall (sans microbes, please!).
April brought more cold weather and another trip back up to Wisconsin - this time on my own. Again, very little sleep (those 5am wake up calls to catch planes...). I had such a nice time at Steven's Point this time (since I wasn't sick!). Met lots of nice students. I was taken under the wing of a very gracious student Melissa Chambers who coordinates events for the Women's Studies dept. We had deep conversations about relationships and careers in the long car ride from Madison and over beer (well, only I drank since she's underage) and fried fish.
Then I had the glorious pleasure of being flown to Las Cruces, NM to do a few shows to benefit the Garland Appeal (a Breast Cancer charity). Sun, and heat at last. Met up with Amy Fairchild and we spent our days by the pool drinking Coronas and letting time slip by until our evening shows. It was a mini vacation for us! Those breakfast burritos at the dive across the street were excellent and dirt cheap. Everyone was incredibly gracious and kind towards us. We ate some seriously hot/spicy Mexican food and, well, yes, drank a bit... Our show at the university went really well. Cellist Michael Patrick was a welcome addition to the line-up and Dennis D'Amico played a gorgeous set.
One of the highlights was visiting the White Sands natural park. I've never seen so much... well, white sand. I forget the mineral... Gypsum? I think that's what the sand is made of. It's exquisite. Perhaps I could make a music video there. Or one day return on a full moon (I hear they open the park at night when there is a full moon) with a blanket and commune with the universe (and perhaps even spot a UFO).
Then there was May... More rain and cold (you get the idea) until I got out to Oklahoma City. More insanely kind and generous people of the NSO. My band flew out the next day and we had a great show. Mo & Midge the sea lions were in attendance. They didn't make any noise but peered with great curiosity over their fence while we played. It was pretty cool. Drove to Dallas that night so I could catch a very early morning flight (4:30am call) to NYC to be back in time to do the Sophie B. gig.
My friend, Pete Weise, met me in OK City and drove me back to his place in Denton (near Dallas). The drive was so lovely. Of course the weather out there was perfect. Sunny and warm. The countryside rolled green and speckled with all kinds of exotic (to me) wildflowers. It was lovely (I said that already).
Ah, then there was Sunday. NJ Pride. Well, that was... interesting. Rain. Lots of it. Outdoor music festival. Very cold. On 3 hours sleep. The stage coordinator kept changing the schedule around incessantly. In fact instead of going on at 2:30 as planned I went on at around 5:30 (cold, wet and VERY annoyed) right AFTER Sophie B. Hawkins. Hmmmmmmm. I'm still kind of stewing about that one. Anyway, there were troupers who stuck it out for my show (in spite of the inclement weather and Sophie's exit). Not so bad, I guess in the end.
Tonight, the celebrated Carlyle Hotel with a lovely Jazz artist, Jaqui Naylor. I must confess, this is one of my first gigs as a "side" woman. I'll be singing back up and playing acoustic guitar on a tune. What an honor! I get to be one of the boys. Lifelong dream come true. This is the famous NYC room in which Bobby Short has held court for decades. Very swanky and cool. Must run and get gussied up for tonight. No jeans and t-shirt for this one. Girlfriend's goin' upscale. You really ought to check out Jaqui's record. It's quite soulful and she has such an unusual beautiful sound to her voice.
Looking forward to more adventures and cool things in the months ahead.
xo - Jenny
March 20, 2003
New York City is shrouded in mist and rain. I'm on the 21st floor
of a stuffy corporate law firm
in midtown. I do not have a window
but the partner opposite me has a pretty expansive view and I can see bits
and pieces of sky. Everything is light gray. It's quite beautiful and
fitting for the mood du jour. There
is something protective about
the rain. It feels safe. We all know now that a beautiful clear sunny day
is not safe.
Everyone I speak to is apprehensive about our actions
in Iraq. Although I realize that Saddam most likely had little or nothing
to do with the events of 9/11 we can not help feeling vulnerable at this
point. I have had
so many nightmares over the past months.
Apocalyptic ones. Such a heavy feeling. I find it mildly
amusing
that I should be in the midst of negotiating a career in
France right now. Not the best timing, I suppose,
however, we're
moving forward as if everything is normal. Fingers crossed. Perhaps the
sad truth is that violence, war, hatred, misguided political, economical
agendas are all part of the norm.
I've been working with producer,
Roger Greenawalt revamping several new songs to send to France
as
possible singles. Noel Cohen co-wrote these songs with me,
"The Longest Mile" and "Desert Heart" We
had demos of the tunes
and Roger is reworking them to sound like records. The songs sound
huge!
My concern is they are maybe a little too huge. I am
feeling so introspective right now it feels odd to be
working on this
big full-on super-produced pop tunes. Not like Britney produced or
anything, don't worry. I remember when Kevin first played me Soul On Fire
I thought it was waaaaaaaaaaaay over-produced.
Now it sounds just
about right. Tonight I am heading over to work with my friend (drummer)
Ethan
Eubanks on one of my relatively new songs that he really
likes. I'm excited to see how it turns out.
At least I feel like
I'm moving forward. The truth is that I'm conflicted about how I want my
next album
to sound. It appears that, once again, I will be
financing my next record. Do I want to do another big
album like
Soul On Fire or go really organic and pared down? If I could make as many
records as
I wanted it wouldn't be such an issue. We shall
see...Perhaps it will be a combination of the two.
Some huge
songs and a some really acoustic.
Ah, for a few minutes I thought
of something other than war. Thank GOD for music. Thank YOU
for
listening.
xo - J
February 14, 2003
Happy
Valentine's Day!!!
Home sweet home. Although I had a wonderful time, I am happy to be 'safely' back in NYC. We had a 3 hour layover at Heathrow yesterday. At the terminal the cover of nearly every UK newspaper was chronicling the terrorism alert at the airport the previous day. Nice. Not a very comfortable place to be right now - on earth, that is! Heavy heart. It seems that killing is on the bill no matter how you slice it. I just wish there were another way... Isn't there another way?
Well, on a positive note, the show in Lyon was one of the best nights of my life! People did show up - 1800 lovely Lyonnais (and others) came out to the Transbordeur. I had so much fun!!! The band sounded great and the audience was so kind. They even listened to the quiet songs and I saw cigarette lighters swaying here and there. People clapped along during Soul On Fire and Elijah. They called me back for an encore - what a feeling to hear hundreds of people clapping and calling me back. It was really fun. I was so happy. I really didn't know how the crowd would react to me and my music. On a humorous note, I was told by more than one that my performance style was virile. How funny : ) I'll take that as a compliment. Perhaps French women are generally a little more gentle and demure than moi. Virile... That's not something I'm used to hearing... Anyway, it was loads of fun. I can't wait to do it again.
Saturday night I wasn't in my best shape vocally. The day before (well, starting at around 4am) I was sick as a dog with a really nasty stomach flu. I could hardly get out of bed the next morning. Well, in fact I didn't. Horrible stomach cramps and all the other trimmings. I couldn't make it to the airport to pick up my band members. The idea of getting into a car... Not possible. Ate nothing all day Friday. Saturday I felt much better, but was still wobbly. Thank GOD I didn't come down with the bug on Saturday. That would have been catastrophic! Well, even though it wasn't my best vocal performance ever, I think it went pretty well... Oh, and how do I know it was a bug and not food poisoning? Well, I didn't until 3 days later, when poor Bernard came down with exactly the same thing (he joined me in France on Friday). Oops. Share and share alike.
I just found out that my song, "Amen" was on the NBC TV show, "Meet My Parents." Yikes. Has anyone seen this show? I'm not a big fan of reality TV. I am told that the episode aired last Saturday. Amy Speace's sister caught it in Colorado. What a trip. I'm going to try to watch it this weekend. I can't quite figure out how Amen would fit into a reality dating TV show... What a strange world. Believe me, I am very grateful for the exposure and will appreciate the check. I don't think the show is too offensive, hopefully...
On this Valentine's Day I wish the world a lot of love, kindness and chocolate hearts. If only that were enough.
-J
February 4, 2003
I forget how these old buildings hold in the cold. This place is about 300 years old and the stone walls are 1 foot thick. I'm sitting inches from a space heater shivering... The studio is in the old part of Lyon. Beautiful twisting cobblestone streets. Narrow staircases leading to unknown heights intersect each street. Small boutiques. It's beautiful.
I just had lunch. A hamburger with french fries and a pepsi. I'm not kidding.
As soon as I got off the plane last Wednesday I was escorted directly to the local TV station to record 3 songs, live and conduct an interview, in French, of course! I hardly remember the experience as I slept about 3 hours in 24. Auto-pilot. I saw the program last night, it's been playing every day and will until this weekend. In spite of the exhaustion and cold I think I did a pretty good job. I sang and played better than ever - the sound was pristine and they made me up to look rested : ) People are grabbing tickets for the concert and it looks like we're going to pack the place. Yippeeeee!
My band arrives on Friday. This is going to be wild. How funny to see the boys here in Lyon. I hope they enjoy the experience and aren't too exhausted. I think we're going to have some serious fun.
So far, Lyon is reacting really well to my music. I guess Lyon is the equivalent of San Francisco or Boston compared to New York. It's a big city (the second largest in France after Paris). If things go well here... How cool that would be. For now I am enjoying the atmosphere. It's fun to be in a place where no one knows me. I feel like I get a clean slate.
At the very least this will have been a great time for me to remember. Perhaps this will be the beginning of a new career... I'm on a path. One step at a time. No road signs, just beautiful scenery on either side. I'll keep walking.
December 26, 2002
Happy New Year!
We had a white Christmas here in NYC. How wonderful. The city was quiet and peaceful for the day.
This is the darkest time of year this side of the equator and we need to celebrate something. So revel in what you will. Celebrate evergreens in winter, colored lights, warm smiles, hot chocolate whatever it takes to get you through the dark, cold months. For those of you in California and other warm places, please invite me to visit!!! : )
Having just listened to Rob Mathes's new CD "Evening Train" the first thing that struck me (after being profoundly impressed by his talent - he is amazing) is how aware and appreciative he is of the good things he has. He seems to value the people in his life in a way I envy and admire. What a beautiful artist. Great singer, pianist, guitarist, songwriter he is. Truly a gifted and uplifting performer. I highly recommend checking him out.
This year I met some amazing people. Both in and outside of music. I am grateful that those people came into my life. They know who they are...
I was watching a bit of TV the other night, trying to relax. Some silly E special about Dirty Dancing. They panned to an old shot of NYC with the World Trade Center... I watched in silence with Bernard. We never spoke about it. What is there to say? Sincerely, I am shocked at how deeply we still feel that loss. I guess we always will. As I did my last minute Christmas shopping I couldn't help feeling that presents seemed superfluous. Although everyone loves opening gifts, it just feels like we all need so much of the stuff that can't be wrapped.
Gratitude. That is my mantra. I am grateful for so many things. For love, music and friendship. May we all have lots of it and the wisdom to know and appreciate when we've got it.
I feel like this is going to be a good year. I don't know why. I just do. So many fun and exciting projects beginning. I'll keep you posted as they develop.
My gratitude and appreciation to you.
Jenny
December 4, 2002
Oh, dear! I gather my last
journal entry was pretty gloomy. I debated today whether or not I
should delete it! Decided against as a journal wouldn't be of much worth
if I glossed over the reality that I, like everyone, have difficult days.
Well, I'll leave it for now.
Thank you so much to those of you who expressed concern about my emotional state of being. I'm really OK. One of those days.
Fortunately, Monday night a lovely singer/songwriter Ina May Wool brought me to Jack Hardy's songwriter gathering in Greenwich Village. For those of you who don't know about Jack, he's been hosting this gathering of songwriters in his home for nearly 30 years. He has a tiny old apartment that he packs with 20 or more people every Monday night. Songwriters are supposed to write a new song each week and bring it in for a critique. Shawn Colvin, Suzanne Vega and John Gorka are alumnae of the group.
To my great surprise, Suzanne Vega was there! I had to feign composure when she walked in as I am truly a big fan of hers. She just came to listen like everyone else. How amazing. I spoke to her briefly. She too is a Barnard College graduate. What a kind, intelligent woman with the prettiest blue eyes... Yeah, I was star-struck : ) I asked her if she had a new song to play. She told me she was "bad" and hadn't written anything. I replied, "You've written a few good songs already. I'm sure they'll forgive you!" I got a smirk and a "thanks" from her. OK, so I am just a dork.
Feeling a bit more positive about life today. Well, at least I'm trying to have a sense of humor about it all.
Thank you again so much for... well, for being there. xo, J
December 1, 2002
Thanksgiving again? How
is that possible. I am becoming a broken record. Time... Slipping
away.
Something
feels different this year. The holiday season is approaching, but I don't
feel that sense of anticipation and levity that usually accompanies the
crisp air and the arrival of pine trees from Canada. It feels really
difficult to be positive right now. There is so much uncertainty and
suffering all around. I feel very alienated by our government. The
financial outlook is bleak. I can't seem to motivate myself to start
thinking about shopping. OK, I NEVER liked holiday shopping. This year
just feels different. Residual sadness from last year, I suppose.
Thanksgiving felt so significant this year. I really thought about my life and the people in it. I am so thankful for those I love. My 96 year old grandmother was at dinner. I was in awe of her. She loves us all so much. I couldn't help thinking that 96 years is a damn long time to live. Well, back to the fact that I have so much to be thankful for. It overwhelms me. Yet doesn't seem to alleviate the sadness.
Many of my friends have children now. Families are sprouting up all around me. As I get older, the choices I face feel more daunting and significant. As the music industry seems to favor artists under 21 I wonder where my place is. In fact I wonder if I have a place! I remember when 27/28 was the average age of a "new" artist. Now 18 seems to be the average. How did that happen? As people live longer and healthier lives, you'd think that the age would go up not down! While I recognize the talent in some of these very young artists, I do not feel compelled to listen to what they're saying. I am drawn to lyrics that speak from experience. I can't get excited about skater boys...
Well, I guess I don't have much else to add. I hope you're all feeling more cheerful than I am!!! Ah, there are good days and bad days. It's a very cold Sunday afternoon. A friend is coming over soon to write. We started a beautiful song about a month and a half ago and are going to finish it - I hope!!! It's a piano song and I haven't written on the piano in ages.
Happy Holidays to you all. I am thankful that there are people reading this. Thank you! J
9/12/02
One year later. I remember writing my journal entry about 9/11 as if it were yesterday not one year ago. Yesterday was the most extraordinary day. It still doesn't seem real. The morning was as I expected, slow moving, somber... I watched the ceremonies on TV with a heavy heart. As the day progressed I became more anxious about having to perform that night and couldn't seem to get anything done. Choosing a set list was impossible. What to sing on such an occasion. Nothing would do justice. In the words of Richard Julian, "There Is No Song."
Me and Bernard decide to have lunch in Central Park which is something we do when the weather and our schedules permit. We sit on the great lawn (a very large field of grass in the middle of Central Park with several baseball diamonds) or wherever we can find a clear patch of green. As we head to the great lawn we see preparations for the concert for that night. I didn't really know much about it, just that there was a giant stage set up and a huge sound system. On stage, part of the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra is warming up and doing a sound check. We find a nice spot in the grass and eat our sandwiches. The wind was strong and creating beautiful patterns in the grass. As I sit mesmerized I hear a familiar voice through the speakers. I tell Bernard, "that sounds like Billy Joel." I'm not even sure how I know his speaking voice. There were lots of people on stage and we couldn't see who was talking. Bear in mind that it's 2pm and there are maybe 30 or so people spread out on the lawn. Really nobody around by New York standards. Suddenly the crowd on stage disappears and there he is, Billy Joel sitting at a grand piano. With no warning he breaks into the intro of "New York State of Mind." Instantly the jazz orchestra chimes in. As he sings the line, "Some folks like to get away..." I feel the bitterness in my throat. My feelings were unleashed and tears streamed down my face through the duration of the song. Magic. All the sadness came out and was replaced with warmth. This was one of the most poignant moments of my life. To be sitting in Central Park on the first anniversary of 9/11 getting a nearly private concert from Billy Joel singing NY State of Mind. Well, it just doesn't get any better. It still feels like I dreamt it all. They rehearsed the song again and he left to the applause of the 70 or so people who had gathered to hear him.
Last night Jennifer Marks, Amelia's Dream, Richard Julian, Preacher Boy, Jo Davidson and I sang our little hearts out. My friend, poet Taylor Mali, had the audience on the edge of their seats. It was a magical evening. There was so much soul and love in that room. Everyone, as Preacher said, came to play and stepped up to the plate ready to hit a homer : ) Jeff Cohen came by and sang a few tunes at the end and I harmonized a little with him. It was such a beautiful day and evening. It gave me a little taste of hope for the future.
8/19/02 Temporarily
Yours...
Sometimes you are ambling along in your own reality and then it hits you. The big picture. Billions of people on this planet with hopes and dreams. Some just trying to survive. No time to dream. Feels a little scary to take a step back. Maybe that's why I don't do it all that often. Reminds me to be thankful and not take everything so seriously.
I seem to have some time for reflection today. I am sitting in the office of a huge corporate bank. Temping. Not really sure what to do with my time. Not sure what anyone here is doing. No one has told me. People around me look busy, but I have no earthly clue as to what occupies them. Again, I am a temp, no one tells me anything.
Occasionally people give me something to do or the phones ring. Mostly, I’m trying to not attract attention. Have you ever seen the movie “Clockwachers? Very funny movie for anyone who has been a temp. Parker Posey, Lisa Kudrow and Toni (whatshername from Muriel’s Wedding). For the most part I'm left to my own devices. I am aware that I am sitting here to make money to pay off debt. I am aware that I am temporary.
What a different approach to work. When you love to do something- teaching football, accounting, music-whatever it is-you rarely think about the dollar value of each and every minute... Lucky people who make a living doing what they love to do. I guess I'm lucky that I know how I want to make a living and I may spend my life trying to figure out how to do it!
Perhaps it's time to plan a hostile corporate take over! I think not. I'll just keep watching the clock until it's 5pm at which point I'll already be packed and ready to slip out unnoticed.
7/15/02 - Home from
France
Day after
Bastille Day. I was on a plane flying home to New York from France on
the day itself. Not much
festivity in that! Exhausting. Flying always
drains me - add to that the jet-lag.
Last week I was in a small town in France called Besancon.
This was a very last minute trip. A charity
called Handicap International
flew me over to participate in a recording honoring their 20th
anniversary.
Me and about 15 other artists (all French except moi) sang a
song together in the "We Are The World"
genre. It was really a lot of fun.
I met some very talented super sweet people while recording. This was my
first time in Besancon and I didn't get to do any visiting, but the time
was well spent talking, singing, jamming, cigarettes galore and eating
& drinking a la francaise!
In September the song will be broadcast on all the major French
radio stations and a video that was
filmed of us singing in the studio
will be shown on all the major TV networks in France. The coolest
part is
that they chose me to open the song and sing the first line (well, I think
everyone else messed it up so they picked my take : ) It was just such a
blast. I haven't sung in French in so many years. Always love a challenge.
True to French style there was no air-conditioning in the studio. When all
15 or so of us jammed into the studio to sing the group parts it was
hotter than hell! Of course it's all captured on video somewhere. It won't
be a glamorous slick MTV style video. We're all sweating like pigs (do
pigs sweat???) and laughing. They also shot us singing individually - much
less sweating - but still all very casual. No make up or anything. No wind
machine (not even a fan which would have been greatly appreciated!). But
the studio was otherwise lovely and the people who run it were also a
treat.
Back to life here in NY. As I was straightening up today I
found a short poem I wrote on the last day of my tour with Amy Speace
around the US. Brought back memories. It isn't Blake or Byron, but
whatevah.
When I was in Austin, TX earlier this year a very good
friend of mine transcribed Stevie Wonder's "Superstition" for me so I
could play it (I still can't). I've always LOVED that song. When writing
the title above the chords he accidentally wrote "Superstion" and then
just tagged on "ize," so the song has been renamed "Superstionize."
Had us laughing for hours (we simple folk).
The last
day of Amy's and my tour across the US Jagoda (percussionist) put on a CD
that started with "Superstition." I guess you had to be there :
)
Superstionize
Last
Stop
Williamsport
20 States of mind in
5 weeks
time
Mountains, green,
Water, skyscrapers, main
streets
joined by the broken white line
Perforated road
Hours of
wind and sky
No revelations - fewer explanations
Just wheels
spinning, spinning
smokes/silence/songs
Last Stop
Blind Boy
Wonder sings
Superstition
I remember another
rendition
"Superstionize" me
What is will always
be
Ephemerally
"When you believe in things that you don't
understand then you suffer..." Stevie Wonder
Jenny
Bruce
June 26 - A "Cool" Poem
Coldplay's Parachutes has barely left my portable cd player. Right now it's helping to keep me cool in my un-airconditioned room. Sweltering heat. Aaaaah, I do love the summertime. My friend Erika gave me a book of Rumi's poetry for my birthday last year. I'm ashamed to say that I barely had time to look at it (my birthday is in November). Last night I came across a poem that brought tears to my eyes as it so aptly put words to my feelings:
A Necessary Autumn Inside Each
You and I have spoken all these words, but as for the way
we
have to go, words
are no preparation. There is no getting ready,
other than
grace. My faults
have stayed hidden. One might call
that a preparation!
I have one small drop
of knowing in my
soul. Let it dissolve in your ocean.
There are so many threats to it.
Inside each of us, there's continual autumn. Our leaves
fall
and are blown out
over the water. A crow sits in the blackened
limbs and talks
about what's gone. Then
your generosity
returns: spring, moisture, intelligence, the
scent of hyacinth and
rose
and cypress. Joseph is back! And if you don't feel in
yourself the freshness of
Joseph, be Jacob! Weep and then
smile. Don't pretend to know
something you haven't experienced.
There's a necessary dying, and then Jesus is breathing again.
Very little grows on jagged
rock. Be ground. Be crumbled, so
wildflowers will come up
where you are. You've been
stony for
too many years. Try something different. Surrender.
How pretty is that? I have nothing to add today. Stay cool everyone.
Jenny
5/28/02-Tour
These last 5 weeks
restored my faith in the goodness of humanity. Everywhere we went
strangers, friends and family went out of their way to be helpful to me
and Amy. People offering places to stay, food and moral support; buying
our cds and coming out to hear us play. Truly my heart is brimming with
gratitude for this experience.
Returning to New York has been a
little difficult. Full moon and mercury in retrograde added to the "high
alert" and steamy weather... Everyone is going on about their
business, but there is a lot of tension in the air. Saw a bad car
accident and several near disasters in the span of 3 days. Pretty unusual
even in NYC. Just feels like everyone is elsewhere and a little on
edge.
I haven't really been home much since coming back. Had a show
in Boston on Sunday and have shows out of town Thursday - Saturday night.
Then I fly to France Monday morning for 3 weeks to visit my husband's
family and see friends. I will certainly be attending to some music biz
while I'm there, but it's mostly a trip to reconnect. That'll be
good.
Feeling very aware of the choices I make and have made in my
life. I constantly battle the knowledge that I can't have it all... If I
wanted money and a large family music isn't the right career choice.
Sometimes it doesn't feel like a choice - it feels like an obsession or an
addiction. I know that when I'm not doing music I'm miserable, so in that
respect if this is a choice it's an easy one. Chose between misery and the
struggle towards fulfillment - not so difficult. Made my bed and only I
can lie in it.
Sending out peaceful thoughts into the universe in
hopes that no more terrorist acts occur on this soil or anywhere (yeah, I
know, I'm dreaming).
5//25/02- Home Again
Hi
everyone. Just wanted to say that I'm back home in NYC from the tour.
Thank you to everyone along the way who took the time to post a message in
my guestbook. I have loved reading your comments. It was a great tour. I
love Amy Speace. After 5 weeks in a Ford Focus we're still friends. Not a
lot of people I could spend that kind of time with!
It was a great
adventure and we hope to do it again soon.
Thank you to all the
people who helped us with this tour. Your kindness and generosity were
deeply appreciated. So many people gave us shelter, fed us and encouraged
us in our mission. I am forever grateful.
Back on "high alert."
Won't keep me from going to the movies tonight. Not gonna live in
fear.
xo
Jenny Bruce
5/9/02 - San Diego or Bust
We're leaving Los Angeles today and heading to San Diego. Days are
melting together at this point. I'm happy yet utterly rootless. I
know I have a life in New York, but it feels somewhat
unreal... I have no idea how people go out on
the road for
many months at a time. What a crazy life.
Have to
admit it's been a lot of fun so far. We've met some really wonderful
people. All kinds from all over the world. Photographers,
tarot card readers, bankers, lawyers, hit-men (well, that's
what he told us he did)... It's been
a journey and we have 2
weeks still ahead. Can't wait!
I've been doing a
tiny bit of writing. Wrote a song called "Freaks." It's
self-explanatory : )
Just a quick note to say that I'm
still out here - hope you're all doing well. Please drop me a
line in the guest book - and do me a favor, like my Mom always
said, "If you don't have anything nice to say..." My Mom will kick
your ass. (:
Thank you so much to those of you
I've met on the road who have taken the time to post messages.
Great to hear from you!!!
Jenny
5/3/02- On the Road Again
Spent the past few days here in
San Francisco with friends. It has been so wonderful to take a little time
off to breathe and absorb the past weeks of touring. Amy and I strolled
around Muir woods yesterday getting a little green and fresh air in the
lungs.
The slogan of the tour is still "Book, cover, don't do it!"
You can't help looking at someone and making some kind of judgement based
on stereotypes. It's just natural/human. However, people have consistently
surprised us by defying all stereotypes time and time again. How
beautiful. Don't judge a man by the tie-dye.
Some of the trip has
been difficult. Lots of driving. Eugene to San Francisco was brutal. 8
hours at 90 miles an hour (thankfully without ever being pulled over). We
pulled in 3 minutes after our show started!!! Someone told us it was a 6
hour drive - actually it's closer to 10!!!
The exhaustion has
resulted in a few hysterical laughing fits on stage mid-song. Amy
forgetting a few song lyrics (well, actually entire songs) and all kinds
of fun... I kept banging my forehead into the
microphone...
Honestly, people's generosity and kindness have
followed us everywhere and I have met some people who I hope to know the
rest of my life.
To those of you who are visiting for the first
time who I may have met on tour - thank you so much for making this such a
great experience. You know who you are (Caedmon, Russ, the folks at Devry,
Kathy Braaten and more).
We're already planning our next national
tour in the fall - yep, that's right. We are truly
deranged.
xo
Jenny
4/28/02 - Surprises in the
works
What day is today? I believe it
is Sunday and I know I am in Seattle. I can't believe we made it all
the way across the country! It has been an incredible journey. Countless
meaningful encounters and experiences. I won't pretend this isn't
exhausting.
Friends came to our show last night in Tacoma. In fact
they were at our Borders show in the afternoon too. At the end of the
night they commented on how they felt like they had their very own "Behind
The Music" and that they couldn't
believe how HARD we work. Yes,
folks, that's right. This is hard work. We barely have time to eat and
pack the car up before we're off to the next place. No, I'm not
complaining. I love doing this...
The shows have been going
really well for the most part. Always surprises. The key phrase of this
trip has been "book, cover, don't do it!" You just can't make assumptions
about people based on what they look like or where they live.
In
Chicago we performed 2 shows, one at Devry Technical Institute. We were
part of "diversity" programming. The student activities coordinator
expressed his concern that the students wouldn't be "into" us as they
listened mostly to Rap/Hip Hop/Latino music. Well, they didn't look like
most of the audiences we perform for regularly, but they loved us! A lot
of people came and bought cds!!! They said how happy they were to have a
chance to hear something different. We were blown away.
We also
had a great show in a vegetarian restaurant in Omaha, NE. Who knew... The
people were wonderful and generous. The food was fantastic. Same goes for
Bozeman, Montana. And then the biggest surprise of all, Spokane.
We
arrived to find that we were booked into the beautiful Met theatre which
holds 350 and was nearly sold out! Crazy fun... Met loads of cool
artists.
People have been kind and generous all along the way.
The driving has been intense and exhausting at times, but we're
holding up. Tonight we stay in Seattle again so we don't have to go
anywhere - thank God! A friend is putting us up in his beautiful
home.
I have seen more Bison than I can count, several Bald Eagles,
Lots of Elk, majestic and mysterious mountains enveloped in mist and tried
every micro-brew in the west (well, not every).
Gotta run. We have
a show at Borders this afternoon and a show at the Sunset
tonight.
xo
Jenny
4/12/02- Pre-Trip Doldrums
Woke up this Friday morning
tired... Not a good start. I began planning out what work I could get
done this weekend. Scheduling my every moment. Trying to figure out when I
can visit with friends before I leave for this 6 week tour. It dawned on
me that I have not had a day off in many months. More than I can count.
Why??? I'm not really sure how this happened. Perhaps it is fear that time
is going so quickly and I must fill in each and every moment so as to feel
that I am not wasting time. No doubt this life I have chosen demands
enormous amounts of time.
I have no answers. Only a realization
that I don't think I like having my life be THIS full. I would like to do
my toe nails for example. I don't think I have time to do them before I go
on tour. I just don't know when I have 20 minutes free. I wanted to set
aside a little time to do this journal entry. It's my toes or the journal.
I guess I've made my choice. Amy will have to look at my toes in all their
chipped blue-nail-polish glory. Sorry, Amy... : )
The trip to
Nashville exhausted me more than I thought it would. That was a lot of
driving in very few days. Very little sleep. 3 shows in 4 nights and about
34 hours of driving. To bed late and up early. I met a bunch of really
nice people (singer/songwriters - yes, they are still people too : ) and
heard some great music. The vibe was super supportive and warm. I really
enjoyed that. Very validating. Much food for thought.
I am
struggling to figure out a way to earn a living without feeling utterly
depressed about it. I have had many "day jobs" in my life. In fact I have
had all sorts of jobs since I was 12 starting with baby sitting. This is
the first time in my life that I don't have a "day job" but I have never
had so little money and no financial independence. That is terrifying. Not
sure what to do. The last time I had a temp job in a law firm I had to
walk away from my desk every 15 minutes so as to avoid a complete and
total freak out! I felt like the Bush-man in the film "The Gods Must Be
Crazy" when he is in prison and slowly starts dying. At lunch I wandered
around Grand Central Station with tears brimming in my eyes. I've never
been so miserable in my life. Corporate life feels more like corporate
death to me.
My parents raised me to be fiercely independent. They
never worked for anyone. Did everything possible to be their own bosses.
Set an example for me. Sure, they were always fighting to make ends meet
and didn't take a vacation for 15 years, but they were living on their own
terms... Or so it seemed. As they have grown older they have questioned
their choice many times as I will question my choices down the road.
I guess we just do our best. I am trying to do my very best to
appreciate each and every moment. Just don't want to miss out on life
because I'm working too hard. Music is a passion. It fills me with a sense
of purpose and fulfillment. Sadly, it doesn't pay the rent - but I'm still
working on it. Haven't given up - may never. Yep, I'll be the crazy 80
year old lady with a guitar and 30 cats playing at the coffee house near
you!
Getting ready for the big tour. I'll be taking notes. Wish me
luck.
Thanks for checking in.
Jenny
3/4/02-A Musical Comes to
Life
The
last few weeks felt like years. I have run through so many emotions I
can't figure out how I feel. On Wednesday and Thursday of last week we had
the showcase of "Building." Wednesday night was a near disaster. The
set fell down within the first few minutes nearly landing in the laps of
the front row audience! An alarm went off in the stairwell just outside
the theatre doors and something large fell from the prop table in the
midst of an emotional scene. The piano player started playing a song
in the wrong key and changed mid-verse. Oh, and so many other small
disasters...
However, the cast maintained their poise and proceeded
with the greatest talent and professionalism. I was in awe of their work.
There were lines missed and cues awry, but all in all not too bad a show.
The comments/critics afterward were highly complimentary of the music. The
unanimous opinion was that the play was WAY too long. Much cutting/editing
is necessary. In fact so much rewriting will have to be done that I can't
even think about it right now. I think the music will not change so much
-may extend some of the songs a bit and write a few more tunes. I am going
to be so busy for the next few months I can't even think about it until
July!!!
The highlights of the show were meeting two of the people
that characters in the musical were based on who live in the NYC East
Village building renovated by Habitat For Humanity. One I mentioned
earlier, is a celebrated Jazz Pianist, Charles Eubanks. He performed
before and after the show some of his original music. A number of
times he and his wife told me how profoundly moved they were by my
music!!! I couldn't ask for a higher compliment.
Also a woman named
Ann attended. Her character in the musical is named Ann also. She has
severely advanced MS and is in a wheel chair. She approached me after the
show with tears in her eyes, arms outstretched and thanked me for the
beautiful music in a near whisper. As soon as she wheeled away I broke
down in tears. What a beautiful ending/beginning.
Now I have to
prepare my taxes... Ugh.
Off to Austin, TX in a few weeks for South
By Southwest. Yeehaaw.
xo
Jenny
02/23/02- "Building" Info, Passion and Glory
The past few months have been
the fullest and most exhausting of my life. Immediately following my
tour with Amy Speace in North Carolina/DC (we had SUCH an amazing
time) I began rehearsals for "Building" the musical I've written
with playwright, Gail Noppe-Brandon. Been in rehearsals since the
beginning of this month. This is it - this week it's show time. I'll be
immersed in Tech and Dress rehearsals until the first show on Wed 2/27
(Grammy Night : ) and the second show on 2/28 both at the Clark Theatre at
Lincoln Center.
We have an amazing cast of actors/singers. It has
been incredible for me to hear these great voices sing my songs!!! It is
just insane! I never dreamed such a thing would happen. How fortunate I
feel.
The musical is based on interviews conducted on a Habitat For
Humanity work site. Both volunteers and "homesteaders" were interviewed by
Gail (the writer) and she took the most compelling stories and created the
play Building. The concept for a musical grew out of the organic
rhythms and sounds Gail heard on the construction site and the fact the
the main character is a Jazz musician. She felt that "Building" had
to be a musical and immediately called me.
I had been working with
Gail as the musical director and composer for her teen theatre program,
Starfish Theatreworks. When she first asked me to write this musical I
told her that I was utterly unqualified and inexperienced and that I
didn't really even like musicals! Gail is the most persuasive woman alive
and convinced me to do it.
Well, I love her dearly for that. This
has been one of the most exciting and fulfilling efforts in my life! Today
is my first day off in months and I slept all day. I've never been so
tired... In fact I may go right back to sleep after writing this, but I've
never felt so sure that I'm doing what I want and need to do with my
life.
I don't care if the show only runs these two nights. My
friends and family have been so supportive. Hope it's ok to say I am proud
of myself for doing this : ) I still can't believe that we have 2 packed
houses for both shows!!!
The main character in the show is based on
a famous Jazz musician who now lives in the Habitat For Humanity building
he helped build. His character's name is Elliot - his true name and
instrument were changed to protect his identity, but he actually came to
rehearsal on Friday. In fact he felt that he was so proud of this musical
that we are allowed to divulge his name, Charles Eubanks, and he's going
to play piano at the opening and closing of the show!!!! He told me he
wants the charts to the music so he can learn them and perform them at his
own shows!!! Such a big compliment I don't even know what to do with it. A
great Jazz Pianist wants to play MY songs????
Pinch me.
I'll
let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!!!
1/12/02- Heavy Thoughts and
Preparation
It has taken me a while to find
the time and the words for the first journal entry of the new year. I
am relieved to move on from 2001. Over the past few months I've tried to
figure out what was so utterly bizarre and traumatic about last year --
aside from the obvious 9/11 atrocities. If I am fortunate enough to live
to be an old lady, I think I'll look back upon 2001 as one of the most
exciting, pivotal years of my life. It seems to have been a monumental
year for many people around me. Several friends got engaged, some
married, others separating, career shifts, births and deaths...
Much
movement all over. Maybe that's just life. Sometimes it seems so
dense.
Only two weeks into this year and much has happened. Signing on
to write a musical has been the most challenging event of my recent life.
I firmly believe in pushing myself out of my comfort zone as much as
possible. This has been extremely uncomfortable! I have no idea what I'm
doing. I'm just doing... For the same reasons writing the music for
"Building" has been really exciting. I'm learning about a whole other
genre of music and songwriting. For the first time in my life I'll be
hiring an arranger!
Even if the whole thing is an enormous flop, I feel really good about having given it a try -- so far reactions have been positive, so I remain hopeful that it will be a success and not a huge embarrassment. The musical will be presented two nights in a small theater at Lincoln Center at the end of February. Wish me luck. I am VERY nervous about it all. I'm heading out on the road with fellow urbanmuse artist, Amy Speace, this month. We have lots of travel plans ahead... Amy has been a great inspiration to me both as an artist and as a friend. Check her out at http://www.amyspeace.com/.
We'll have hours to talk ourselves to death in the car. She's one of the smartest people I know - very edumacated. We always get into these deep conversations about life, death, religion and hair color. Should be a blast. Thank you for reading this and to those who have responded to the things I've written. If there are questions you'd like to ask me or subjects you'd like me to comment on (keep it clean kids) please feel free to email me at http://us.f111.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=goodgirl@mindspring.com&YY=18442&order=down&sort=date&pos=0 or sign my guestbook.
Have to go work on the musical... Les Miserable it is not! :
)
Take care,
J
Go to the
top
12/12/01- Winning with Amsterdam
Drove down to Nashville last
week. Actually drove to Natural Bridge, VA first and spent the night
there. It was so beautiful! I had never even heard of Natural Bridge and
apparently it's one of the 7 natural wonders of the world. Always so much
to learn...
Nashville is to music what LA is to film. Every single person seems to be in some way related to the music industry. It's fun, for a little while, and then enough! I received my 1st place trophy - yippee - and a new guitar (still might sell it, although it's really cool looking). I sang "Amsterdam" and had my photo taken. It was all a little surreal. As fun as it was to collect the award, it was even slightly anti-climactic.
I
deeply appreciate the recognition, but it all seemed a little silly. Who
can possibly judge what song is better than another? What an odd
concept. Again, I'm not knocking it - I'm very grateful. The experience
honestly pales with that of having someone come up to me after a show to
tell me how much a particular song moved them... Know what I mean? Well,
that's just my take.
I sang backup for my friend Jo Davidson at a
gig in Akron, OH the day after the Billboard thing. On the bill were Alana
Davis and Jeffrey Gaines. Both VERY strong and inspiring performers.
Both struggling to make a living - and they are so far ahead of me in the
game. Yikes. Gave me pause. But only a pause. Nothing can stop the
music. When I wake up in the morning I look forward to facing the
challenges of my day. For that I am thankful.
Wishing everyone a very Happy Holiday. Thanks for listening!
11/15/01- Being Thankful
Well, yesterday was my
birthday. What does this mean? It means I am a Scorpio! That's right.
Draw your own conclusions. Last night a bunch of my friends took me disco
roller skating. I had a blast. No broken bones. Just lots of fun. I highly
recommend it!
This has been one hell of a year. So much has changed, though on the surface, you'd say I look quite the same (oh, please, tell me I do!). I feel like I've accomplished so much and yet my life remains eerily unchanged. Well, again, that's just on the surface. Perhaps there is something to be learned from it all. I hope so. I'm still trying to figure it out. I just know that I am not the same person who woke up one year ago and said, "please, God, this isn't really happening." : ) No, seriously, I have so much to be thankful for.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to take a second to tell everyone who is reading how grateful I am to them for their support and interest in what I am doing and saying. Thank you!!! There are days when I feel blessed to possess or be possessed by such passion. There are many days when I feel cursed. All I can say is that I can't stop now or at least I won't. I'm having way too much fun. I love music with all my heart. I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. I hope that over the holiday you all have a moment to appreciate the good things in your lives. The people who love you. The people you love.
9/17/01- Reflections on 9-11
Monday, September 10, I
drove up to Maine with Bernard for a week of rest and fresh air. A
nine hour drive far up the coast to a beautifully remote stretch of land
surrounded by the sea. So quiet and peaceful and such a dramatic change
from NYC. Late in the night the howling of coyotes woke me from my
sleep. The most haunting sound I've ever heard.
The next morning we went to get some groceries at the local
supermarket (a 45 minute drive). As we were strolling through the aisles
laughing and loading up on the most decadent junk food treats we could
find, an elderly woman passed us mumbling to herself. She looked me in
the eye and said, "You've heard, haven't you? They've flown planes into
the world trade center towers and the pentagon. The towers are gone..."
and then she wandered off. I looked at Bernard and rolled my eyes. Said
something about aliens taking over the white house and giggled. Another
shopper saw and heard me and insisted, "You know it's true, what she
said. It really happened." I felt a violent chill go through me. My
throat tightened and my knees weakened. I begged her for more details
and she told me all she knew. Suddenly, I felt numb. I couldn't speak.
We pushed our cart weaving our way to the cash register. Bernard
managed to pay for everything and before we could leave the store, tears
just started pouring from my eyes. The woman who gave us the news
explained to those around us, "She's from New York City." I ran from the
store into the brilliant daylight. I didn't know where to go. Bernard
took me to the car. I cried for hours listening to the radio, sobbing in
disbelief and horror. My home town. Those people. The buildings. The
sadness. I mourned so many things. Why does this feel like the end of
innocence? You can't go home again.
I have no formal religion. Only a strong belief in the power of love
and humanity. I pray in my own way for peace and tolerance. More killing
is not the answer. I can't find hate in my heart. I wish I could believe
in Good against Evil. That we are Good and that there exists an enemy so
vile he deserves no pity or consideration. Good and evil co-exist in all
of us. I feel devastated for those who have lost loved ones. I feel sad
for all of us as we have lost the luxury of our sense of security and
our innocence. I also feel profoundly sad to think of those around the
world who harbor so much hatred and anger. What despair and ignorance
leads humans to such violence? I hope that this will encourage people to
educate themselves. To ask questions. To think about the world outside
of our borders. To not react out of hatred and anger, but with knowledge
and compassion. I hope it will lead people to ask why. I pray for peace
and healing.
xo,
Jenny
9/9/01- Running into the Future
At last my CD is
done... It took over 2 years to complete! Had to pull lots of favors
and work at odd hours - but you'd never know. Everyone gave their best
and I am so proud of this record. I've been writing a lot these days.
Been listening to a lot of Radiohead and jazz. Strange combo. I feel
it's added a slightly different color to my songs. There is just so much
great music out there, it can be overwhelming at times. I'm working on
booking a tour with artist Amy Speace early next year! I can't wait. I
think we'll head south down the Atlantic Coast. See how far we get.
I love New York. This is definitely home - but the more frequently I escape it the better.
An aside... Yesterday I was walking down the street. I was wearing sneakers - which I don't usually do - and I decided to run as quickly as I could for 2 blocks. I don't know why, but I just needed to. It was the greatest feeling I've had in ages. I ran so quickly I surprised myself. When I stopped my lungs were on fire and my legs were shaking, but I felt great. I felt that for those seconds I was a comet tearing through the streets of New York. Unstoppable. How fortunate I am to be able to do that. One day I won't be able to run that fast. Made me remember that while I can I need to keep moving. Fast.
xo Jenny